Some thoughts

So as you know I am now in spain and have been for a few days. and if you know me only by this blog, you may think i am a negative person by the following, however, i absolutely love it here. I can't stop sending emails about how much I am in love with the life and the city here.
However. I have kind of reached a point today where i feel like blogging. Tomorrow we take a placement exam. Depending on how we score, I am placed in a certain level of spanish classes.

Being surrounded by a language you aren't fluent in is a beautiful thing. Your constantly learning, on the streets, in my host home, when I want to buy something, When im ordering food, when I need to know where some place is and the fastest way to get there. When I am unsure of something or simply just to greet someone passing by. But Its also very draining. ESPECAILY when everyone speaks quickly and with a very thick accent that you arent used to. This goal is so much different than something like nursing for example. I am in school to be a nurse, i know it will be hard, but i know that i will be a nurse, and i know that i can do it. This is different. I feel like there is this light at the end of the tunnel that i want to reach SO BAD and i feel like its just impossible. I know its not impossible but it seems like it. It seems so far away. When im in the states and im speaking a little here and there and when im taking classes about spanish its understandable, i feel confident, i feel like i know a lot. But here its so different. ... a big ego crusher. I feel like i know nothing. I feel like just saying the simplest phrase to someone is going to open up this big giant scary conversation that i wont be able to follow. I feel .... stupid. And i hate it. I hate having people view me that way. I hate being that girl who cant communicate... which is what i do. I communicate. I ramble. I like to describe and explain things. (hence my over-descriptive blogs and stories). So not being able to do so is very difficult for me. I know what everyones going to say... It will be ok, you'll pick up on it soon, you've only been here a few days... etc.. etc.. and i agree. its just hard. Plain and simple. Its draining, its frustrating. But i will work hard, I will get where i want to go. I will reach that light at the end of the tunnel... even if its in 10 years. But i will not leave this place feeling like i didnt give it my all.
And on that note
I am leaving to go study.