Well... Ive almost made it.
I am taking tonight off from everything. Today I sat in the sun and read (nothing school related). Then i went on a walk with my mom, and now I am going to go excersize which has slipped out of my agenda somehow this week. This week was really rough. I had a test Monday, an oral presentation Tuesday, a Check off Wednesday and today a Simulation. I'm glad its over. Have you ever had one of those weeks where you keep over sleeping, losing things and just being really irresponsible? I haven't had any trouble with that all semester and then all the sudden the past few days I have been over sleeping, couldn't find my scrubs (found them in the towel closet?) or my work out shoes (today I found them laying on top of one of the baskets I tore apart looking in..) This morning i woke up got ready, was doing good with time. As i started to make my bed I looked at the clock to see how much time i had.. "oh I'm ok its only 7:50".... 7:50!!!! I was supposed to leave at 6:50!! I had set my clock for 6:50 instead of 5:50... And i didn't even notice until I was done getting ready!I was so mad at myself.
Tis why I am taking a break tonight! I think my brain is over worked...
I can't believe how much I have learned this semester. I don't mean that boastfully but I have had so much information shoved down my throat and its finally starting to organize its self in my brain and all come together. I have a love/hate relationship with nursing school. I love what I'm learning, I love the friends I have made and the opportunities i get in the hospital to practice. I hate being nervous but sometimes wonder if its the challenging and scary situations that I like to put myself in the most. I think its because I have always been a very timid nervous person about everything. Its a part of me I don't think will ever go away 100% but Ive learned to push myself out of my comfort zone. When I learned to do shots, the time I was supposed to pick out my first patient I was so nervous and hoped that I didn't get one who needed an injection. But to my own surprise ended up purposefully picking a guy with diabetes to get over my fear so that I wouldn't have to be scared about it any more. I think Spain has taught me that valuable lesson and I will try not to ignore it. Sometimes its when you force yourself out of your comfort zone when you learn the most. I love TWU and how they teach us so much more than academics. They really emphasise being a good nurse. "What kind of nurse do you want to be" is something one of my instructors always says. Nurses can get away with not going into the Patients room but documenting that they did, or they can go in there, do an assessment (they DO know how to do that you know) and stay on top of things informing the physician and requesting orders. I used to always wonder if I would be a "good" nurse but now i know that its not just being good at it its actually doing it and doing it with the right intentions, to be the patient's advocate; knowing that I know I will be a good one.
I know I sound brainwashed but its interesting to go into a hospital and see nurses who are so wonderful and nurses who don't care.
The hate aspect is that I feel that I am neglecting everyone around me. I try so hard to keep my head above the water yet I forget about the ones I love. Lately I have been trying to be better at it. you just get so consumed.
I still think about Spain. Its so surreal now. Sometimes I just lay in bed not able to sleep because months of memories are just flashing through my mind. I feel like my heart is still in two places, and its hard. I miss my friends and the culture there. I miss the lifestyle and it makes it harder when I don't have time to enjoy the things i did there. I hate when people say they don't have time to enjoy things, because its about making time, but really, I do, I just cant make as much time as before. I feel like a part of me is missing, and I hate admitting that because I shouldn't define myself that way. I just miss it.
I want to study abroad again next summer in Costa Rica but I am more afraid after I have studied abroad than i was before I went to Spain. I think I am a little scared to get attached again. but...[refer to previously mentioned life lesson]