Some thoughts

So as you know I am now in spain and have been for a few days. and if you know me only by this blog, you may think i am a negative person by the following, however, i absolutely love it here. I can't stop sending emails about how much I am in love with the life and the city here.
However. I have kind of reached a point today where i feel like blogging. Tomorrow we take a placement exam. Depending on how we score, I am placed in a certain level of spanish classes.

Being surrounded by a language you aren't fluent in is a beautiful thing. Your constantly learning, on the streets, in my host home, when I want to buy something, When im ordering food, when I need to know where some place is and the fastest way to get there. When I am unsure of something or simply just to greet someone passing by. But Its also very draining. ESPECAILY when everyone speaks quickly and with a very thick accent that you arent used to. This goal is so much different than something like nursing for example. I am in school to be a nurse, i know it will be hard, but i know that i will be a nurse, and i know that i can do it. This is different. I feel like there is this light at the end of the tunnel that i want to reach SO BAD and i feel like its just impossible. I know its not impossible but it seems like it. It seems so far away. When im in the states and im speaking a little here and there and when im taking classes about spanish its understandable, i feel confident, i feel like i know a lot. But here its so different. ... a big ego crusher. I feel like i know nothing. I feel like just saying the simplest phrase to someone is going to open up this big giant scary conversation that i wont be able to follow. I feel .... stupid. And i hate it. I hate having people view me that way. I hate being that girl who cant communicate... which is what i do. I communicate. I ramble. I like to describe and explain things. (hence my over-descriptive blogs and stories). So not being able to do so is very difficult for me. I know what everyones going to say... It will be ok, you'll pick up on it soon, you've only been here a few days... etc.. etc.. and i agree. its just hard. Plain and simple. Its draining, its frustrating. But i will work hard, I will get where i want to go. I will reach that light at the end of the tunnel... even if its in 10 years. But i will not leave this place feeling like i didnt give it my all.
And on that note
I am leaving to go study.

It's Finally Here!

Well, the time has come. I leave Wednesday morning to go to Spain. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

ok, sorry...

Anyways, so I have done most of my packing, I have this feeling like I have a million things to do but I dont really know what they are. I keep trying to make a to-do list but that doesn't really work out according to plan.

Im a little nervous because the first 4 days we are there we stay in Madrid, and pretty much are thrown into touring. which is fine with me because, well, its Spain, but Its just going to be a busy few days before we even go to Salamanca and settle in.

Ive never had so many different emotions about one thing before in my life!

Next time I blog I will be in Spain!

Gniog yawa ytrap (read backwards)

For those too lazy to read backwards It says "going away party".
Yesterday my family threw me a going away party. It was fun! We pretty much just talked and ate, and ate, and ate some more. And I got some really thoughtful gifts. I was so glad to get to see my friends and hang out with everyone before I leave!
Here are some pictures :

Me and Mom

Wes

Kona Scared from all of the people. hehe hiding under wes

Some of the girls

Me and Carolina

Hermanas

If you know Nat at all this picture is hilarious

Natosha modeling the food?

Haha the cake. Google the Spanish flag, they messed it up so bad.. its orange! lol

Well its taking forever to download pictures so I quit. But you get the gist.

Yearbook Yourself.

Okay, so its all the rage right now, http://www.yearbookyourself.com/
I saw it first on Brookes blog, and then a few of my friends did it so I tried it today and I seriously couldnt stop laughing. Its so funny.
Here are a few of mine,
Enjoy

tehehehe..

Birthday, thoughts, and fears.. etc..

Well this past weekend was my birthday. I am 21 now.. weird. It was a really good birthday. Saturday Wes took me to this Spanish restaurant called Cafe Madrid. It was a really cute and thoughtful idea, he wanted to take me somewhere where I could try Spanish food and it was a cool experience. the food was yummy. Afterwards we went to Cheesecake factory and got cheesecake and coffee on the patio. It was fun!
Sunday, my actual birthday, my mom took me to La Madelin where we ate lunch on the patio and had a glass of wine (really good wine) after that Carolina and Karina came over to visit, then we had a family dinner at my house (with Wes there) and my dad made my favorite meal, veggie spaghetti (which is really just chunks of squash and stuff mixed in with noodles, not really spaghetti and cedar plank Salmon. MMM..... . It was a really good birthday, or birthdays, i guess i should say, and everyone was really generous and made me feel special :)

I leave for Spain two weeks from today. I know its a redundant topic at this point, but its REALLY starting to hit me. Its affecting my dreams, the other night I had a dream that I got to Spain and everyone spoke English. At first I was really relieved but then I got really angry because I wanted to learn Spanish. Of course I still want to go and I am excited its just very scary entering into a situation that I have never been in before because I dont know how I will cope, I will just have to learn along the way.

I had to come all the way to denton today to sign one thing. I didnt want to waste the gas so i rode with Carolina, which meant I had to get up at 5:00 in the morning and stay here til 3. Everyone thinks I am crazy but Its crunch time on saving for Spain and I need every bit of gas I can get.

I guess my posts are boring because I dont have pictures.. Maybe I will post a few from my birthday then someone with actually read it :)